Almost two years ago, I began working with my current spiritual director—a spiritual father who has walked closely with me in my journey of healing and breaking the cycle of abuse. Through the fatherhood of this dear priest, I’ve begun to see just how unhealthy my own dad was (and is). As a child, I used to tell my dad that he “helped me see the love of God the Father better”. I can see now how wrong I was. For most of my life, I was afraid of God the Father. I was convinced that he was watching closely for me to make a mistake, that his wrath was inevitable, and that I needed to work hard to please him…because that was what my dad was like. Then, I met the priest who has become a spiritual father to me. This father is patient, kind, gentle, generous, forgiving, has healthy boundaries and respects my boundaries, and is happy to hear what is on my mind and heart. He supports me and delights in my vocation to marriage (whereas my biological dad was angry when I decided to get married, presumably because I would then be outside of his control). He helps me face the hard and scary things that God is calling me to (namely the demanding course of therapy needed to heal from the complex PTSD that I have from my parents’ abuse), encouraging me to persevere when I want to give up.
Searching for the Fatherhood of God
Searching for the Fatherhood of God
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